Hiking — Coffee with Myself

I need to get this off my chest.

What’s on your mind?

Being a beginner.

Tell me.

I am scared.

That’s okay. So, you are scared of starting something?

Yeah. I want to stay in Lisbon, and see if I can do something with talking to people.

Talking to people?

Yes. I love talking to people. Asking them real questions. Exploring their heads, their hearts, their lives. Together, figuring out what lights them up, and what keeps them up at night. Helping them take tiny next steps or big jumps. Helping them do more than they thought they could.

But?

But what if I can’t pull this off? What if this doesn’t make sense? What if I am not uniquely skilled to do this? What if I am not good enough?

Are you good enough?

No, I am not. Not right now. There is so much to learn. And not in a “read 10 books and take a course” kind of way, but by actually doing it. I still need to figure out what works for me — and for others. I need to gain experience. And confidence.

And it’s scary?

Yeah. What if I find out I don’t have what it takes? Or what if I don’t like it? What if people don’t like it? What if people don’t like me?

What if I am giving up something solid and secure for something this vague and uncertain? Gambling my income, my LinkedIn status, my ego — for what? A big question mark?

It’s ironic, isn’t it?

What is?

That you want to help people face their fears, but this is scaring the hell out of you. Want to switch roles?

Switch roles?

Tell yourself what you would tell someone else.

Brutally honest?

Dutch direct baby.

Fine. Change is a period of shedding. Our future life costs us our current one. It is uncomfortable. That is not a glitch — it is the whole fucking point. And if I want this, I have to let go of being the person who “has it all figured out.” The skilled one. The wise one. The calm one. The peaceful one. The one with answers.

And let’s not bullshit. There will be people who won’t like me. And that will hurt. Make me feel lonely. And yes, there is a chance I will struggle to pay the bills. Maybe I need to pull shifts in a coffee shop to keep this thing alive.

And maybe, maybe it won’t work out at all. And I have to find something else again. All of those thoughts are valid.

And maybe — just maybe — it goes better than I can possibly imagine right now. I don’t know. I can’t know. The only way is forward. I have to let myself find out. To throw off the comfortable clothes, stand there naked, and be seen. Be seen trying.

What else?

Confidence.

What about it?

Confidence isn’t about having all the answers. Confidence is about living with the doubts. The fears. The mixed feelings.

People don’t connect with me because I have all the answers.

They don’t?

No. I hope they connect because I walk with them. Because I try to listen. Because I try to relate. Because I am human too — flawed, imperfect — but out here trying. Reinventing. Reimagining myself. Shedding the exact identity I thought made me me.

We do not need perfect stories. We seek permission. Recognition. A shared sense of humanity. We don’t need some expert standing at the top of the mountain yelling advice. Yelling 10 rules. Guidelines. No, we need someone to hike with us. Holding our hands. Figuring out the path.

We seek permission?

Yeah. Permission to not know all the answers. To be confused. To be lost. And yet, to keep moving. To try. To be honest. Raw. To fuck up. To mess up. To fail. Regret. Stumble. To slowly, painfully, beautifully, figure it out. One step at a time.

What is your next step?

One conversation. One invite. No pressure. Daring to see if the dream is just a dream — or if it could be real.

Daring to begin?

No, the process already started. We already started. It is not about being a beginner. It is about being an adventurer. An experimenter. An explorer.

Figuring out the path. One step at a time.

Enjoy.

Enjoy?

The journey.